Chapter Text
I know I've already said it multiple times tonight but I'm really grateful for today. Linnea has been a fan for long now, and it really meant the world to her and to me. You're incredible💜
Simon stares at the message, rereading the words over and over again for a moment to allow it sink. It's roughly 3am or later and he doesn't know if he's in the right state of mind to make the best decisions at the moment.
It's been an eventful day to say the least. He's been performing for a good while now, he loves doing it more than anything but it's also become a part of his life that he could easily breeze through now. Simon was used to it, getting on stage to sing out his heart, dance and hear applause from people who actually appreciated the words he sung.
The only thing that usually drew his attention was how much more people seemed to come around for his shows - that he also really appreciated - but nothing really stuck out to him. Not like it had this particular evening anyway.
Meeting fans could be incredibly overwhelming, and not because of the number of people - lord knows he wouldn't dare complain that people actually liked him and his art. But seeing that admiration and love up close made his heart feel so full, especially spending so long believing he would not succeed at this. After being told so many times he was chasing a vain dream. It was refreshing and he loved the confidence it fed him with.
So it was no short of an emotional moment for him seeing the little girl on her dad's shoulders reaching out to him. And knowing that a simple hug and his signature on her merch would mean so much to her had already been the highlight of the night anyway.
But then by some miracle, he'd bumped into her and her dad after the concert. And Simon had quite never been so grateful for going back to try that chaotic ride one more time before his team packed it up for the ride.
In his life, Simon has seen a lot of hot men - has dated a few of them, sh*tty or not - but he could say he managed to be floored again right then, staring at that man. And maybe Simon is just really f*cking gay but that damn tank top was really doing it for him. Paired with those baggy pants, a mullet and piercings, god, that was definitely his drug.
It took him quite a moment to recognize the girl from earlier, especially because it was mostly dark but his signature adorning the front of her shirt gave it away. Simon took a moment to curse his luck for the fact that that gorgeous man - who was glaringly queer, for once - had a daughter, which no doubt meant he already had a partner.
So it wasn't short of a relief for him when he clarified that he didn't and it was just the both of them. He looked fairly young so Simon could guess they were about the same age.
It's been so damn long that Simon looked at anyone and felt butterflies but he'd felt that. His stomach stirred so much that he could've been nauseous just admiring the way light hit his face softly, skin pale in the night light and the brown in his eyes so vibrant. And for a moment, he thought the affection - or well, admiration - would've been returned but then he was asking to leave and the disappointment cut through Simon like glass.
Because of course, he was a father and wasn't looking for a romantic relationship and Simon also wasn't looking to date a fan. Which was what he consoled himself with as he forced himself to walk away without asking for his name and number like he initially wanted to.
He couldn't even pretend that most of his mind hadn't been clouded by memories of the soft-spoken nameless blonde stranger that somehow imprinted himself on Simon's heart with how awkward and sweet he was the rest of the night until this very moment.
He'd even indulged himself in watching the post concert videos several fans posted to maybe catch a glimpse of him within the crowd. And for once he's actually grateful he took the time to read through Instagram dms because he would've f*cking hated to miss this. Simon didn't usually do that, especially because there were several and it took so much to go through every one of them but oftentimes, like tonight when he couldn't sleep, he indulged himself.
And by god, even his message was sweet and kind and Simon could read the words over and over again hearing them in his voice. He knows he probably didn't expect Simon to respond.
And again, there are several reasons why Simon shouldn't respond. Given that he already sort of liked this man that was somehow so sound asleep and unaware of how he was running miles through Simon's mind, but there was also the fact that he actively avoids forming any sort of friendship or relationship with fans because of how para social it could be. He would hate to build something ingenuine.
But it's not like saying a few words back would suddenly land them on a date, especially since the man obviously wasn't interested in that way. He had his priorities and Simon should focus on his and stop wishing for some blooming romance between them.
Besides, he's replied to a lot of posts both on twitter and instagram tonight. This would hardly be any different. Sort of.
His fingers hover over the keyboard, contemplating how much of a good idea this really was. Simon can always chalk it up to being sleep deprived if he wakes up tomorrow and regrets this. He accepts the message request and types.
again, you're welcome and you don't need to thank me, it was my pleasure, not a big deal
The sheets bunch up beneath his toes when he curls them to quell the nerves wracking him. He worries his lower lip beneath his teeth, weighing the options in his head. Eventually, the irrational part of him wins out when he adds,
Linnea, that's her name?
Simon feels like a teenager again the way he tosses his phone aside, slipping under the sheets and barely suppressing a groan. He doesn't know why he's being so weird about this. It could be a normal conversational response.
If anything, he would appreciate Simon's interest and would chalk it down to being nice to his fans. It was completely fine and cool.
God, Simon did not predict being this attracted to anyone that he's completely off his game. He usually knew what he wanted. If he stepped into a bar and a guy were eyeing him up or he had his eyes on anyone, he wouldn't hesitate to approach them with clear intent. Now he was contemplating whether or not to reply to a man whose name he didn't even know yet. And there was the fact that he had a daughter.
It wasn't a deal breaker for Simon or anything, as long as he was single. But he's also not oblivious to the complications it could raise. And of every guy, he really had to choose one he couldn't have.
Sitting upright and reaching for his phone again, the screen comes alive and he peers down at the messages. Before he can talk himself out of it, he clicks on the profile on the header.
Wille.
That's the display name on the profile and Simon doesn't really do this. He doesn't stalk go through people's profile, and especially not at odd hours of the night - or with his main account even - but the sight of Wille's profile picture alone and his witty bio is too appealing to resist. It's not stalking if he's just curious. It didn't have to be weird.
And that's how Simon spends the rest of the night, scrolling through his Instagram page. It was quite insane how little justice his pictures did him really. He didn't post too frequently but when he did it was usually a photo dump with the most random or sweetest pictures.
It's really embarrassing how easily Simon is enamored by him. But he hardly has it in him to stop even when he notices he's scrolled almost four years earlier because he's drawn to him even only by watching his life evolve through pixels. It wasn't like Wille posted so many times in a year, so he probably hadn't scrolled that far.
What he does notice is how over the years he's always been alone with his daughter. There's a woman with him in a few photos but Linnea bore no resemblance to her like she did Wille - if her skin color didn't already give it away. He knows it's not his business but it's sweet to know he'd raised that little girl all on his own.
He eventually tires himself out, and when he falls asleep, thoughts of a tall blonde with that crooked smile that rivaled any he's ever seen.
It's already afternoon when he finally wakes up and rolls over to check his phone on the nightstand. He'd meant to check the time but there are several notifications on his screen already and the memories of last night are at the forefront of his mind.
Simon kicks off the sheets, picking up his phone with an urgency that should be worrying. He scrolls through his notifications when he unlocks the screen, searching for a particular one.
It's pointless and vague because all the badge displays is the number of unread messages he has. He sighs to himself, climbing out of bed to dawdle over to the kitchen as he clicks on it. He feels his heart stop when he scrolls far enough to the now familiar profile to see ‘2 unread messages’
He doesn't know why it's such a big deal because he knew Wille would respond. But he's also massively gay and has not had a crush this bad in a f*ck long time. It was frankly getting annoying how his mind wouldn't stop playing back his sweet shy smile and voice over and over again in a loop in his head.
Taking a deep long breath, he opens the messages. His heart flips in his chest without his permission and his brain is already whirring its cogs to type out a response.
That's her name
Not a big deal is a stretch
it really isn't
and that's a lovely name, fitting for her
Thank you
I didn't even expect you were going to respond
Sorry to bother
you're welcome
and it's really okay
i take out time to read every message, can't be bothered when they're always sweet
especially yours
Okay, good to know
Have a good day💜
Simon stares at his screen, fingers tapping urgently at the sides, trying to process the last few seconds. He knows the conversation has come to an organic end and despite how much he hates to admit it to himself, it was from Wille's end. He was being very conversational.
He sighs, somewhat in defeat, reacting to the message and dropping the phone on the counter. It wasn't like he really expected anything to form between them. Wille obviously wasn't interested and Simon, once again, reminds himself that he doesn't want to date a fan.
So it was for the better, that Wille was killing his little fantasies. Simon is probably just lonely and maybe horny. He would hook up with one or two guys and he would barely even remember what Wille looked like. It was a silly little crush on the most attractive man he'd seen in his life who happened to be nice and sweet. It shouldn't be hard for him to get over it.
Besides, he's too busy for a relationship right now. That's what he tells himself as he turns milk into a bowl to make breakfast - or lunch really, given the time. It wasn't a big deal, he really just needs to get laid or something.
Maybe on a later date, Simon would be able to blame it on the lack of coffee the entire day that disorganized his brain but at the moment, all he can do is curse under his breath realizing his f*ck up.
Much to his disappointment, Simon had not been able to stop thinking about Wille even a week later. And quite like the position he'd found himself in at the moment, he's often time given into the urge to go through his profile again.
And Simon has been perfectly careful. He's been so careful not to like any posts, especially with how far down his page he was stalking exploring.
But somehow the universe might've had it out for him because he just accidentally liked a post that he's sure must've dated five or six years ago. It's worse because he immediately unliked it on instinct and his stomach stirs eerily, realizing that even made it worse.
Wille would definitely see that notification and then worse, see that he'd removed the like then it would be obvious that he was stalking his page and didn't want him to know. Which frankly, Simon wouldn't call it stalking, not if he was still curious and maybe a little desperate to know and see more of Wille. It was more of a satisfaction of his curiosity. One that landed him in this mess.
He cringes to himself, grip tightening on his phone as he worries his lips. Maybe Wille would ignore it. What were the chances that his post from years ago would pop up on Simon's feed of all places.
Of every possible way he could f*ck up, this had to be the collasal worst. And all because he's so smitten by a man he doesn't even know. He needed to pick himself up really, he's always had more self-preservation.
It takes all of three minutes, Simon taking off his shirt and climbing into bed before the message comes in. His phone buzzes with a notification and he feels waves of embarrassment sweeping through his stomach, praying that would not be Wille. He's not sure how to ever live it down if he confronted him about it.
Unfortunately for him, the universe seemed to deem this day unlucky for him because the new notification on his screen was more unread messages from Instagram.
Simon groans, dropping his head back against the headboard and pressing his eyes closed. He gathers his resolve, no matter what, he could not escape with his dignity intact anyways. He unlocks the screen, opening the app and clicking on his dms.
I don't know if I should be worried or flattered that you liked that post from years ago
It's definitely embarrassing how his stomach has the chance to flutter in warmth after reading the message. He was too gay for this, really.
i was hoping with everything in me that you wouldn't see that
Well you would think i have your notifications your notifications turned on
Either way, I would've seen it
right, not the smoothest i've ever been
So you didn't just stumble upon my post from 2019 then?
depends
how weird would it be for you if i said no
This time the response doesn't come in a second later and he feels his nerves climbing his throat. He was way too familiar - and flirty. f*ck, how much of a chokehold does this man have on him that made him too weak to resist him. Wille wasn't even trying. Simon was just too romantically sensitive and apparently that was his undoing.
It takes five excruciating minutes, watching the text bubble appear and disappear before a response finally comes in. His lower lip must be bruising already with the way he worried it with his teeth while the seconds ticked away.
Weird is so far off
I'm so flattered you're even talking to me right now
you're not bad to talk to
or look at
So you were looking?
you really want to me to spell it out that bad
Sorry
I really just wanted to be sure
yes, Wille
i was looking through an interesting guy's profile
that's your name, right?
Yeah
Wilhelm or well…that's the full name
No one really calls me that anymore
So yeah…Wille
And um, interesting?
Simon feels his heart clench in his chest at how ridiculously cute Wille was. God, he could hear him rambling like that and be so smitten even. Before now, Simon would've never been able to say he had a thing for dorks who happened to be hot. But he fears that was what did it for him.
He groans into his hands but his lips are curled in a permanently smitten smile. There's no way out of this, but in the moment he can barely feel the embarrassment, just the lingering giddiness of a teenager who'd finally had the chance to talk to their crush.
f*ck, this is so damn low for him. Still, he types back anyway. He doesn't really care where this is going, but he's not sure he wants to go back to not talking to Wilhelm - Wille.
yeah, interesting
from what i've gathered
So you've been gathering
For um
Since we met?
god, you really wanna hear me say everything
I mean, I always need things spelt out clearly for me
But I think I need more than a double take in this case
why
to both
or either
whichever you feel comfortable answering
I'm a little slow on social cues
And it's not everyday you hear someone you admire finds you interesting
By stalking your page, no less
God, I'm so embarrassed but flattered
it's not stalking first of all
I'm pretty sure it is
shh, let me finish
go on
it's careful exploration
satisfaction of curiosity
right…
of thirst traps or…?
shut up
don't flatter yourself
but if it helps, i've seen worse 19 phases
that's comforting
I guess
is it now?
From you, I'll take anything
God, Simon was a goner. Any hopes for curbing his feelings to remain platonic have pretty much flown out the window. He doesn't if Wille is just being nice, keeping up the banter like that but he's definitely getting attached. Whether that was good or bad at the moment, he has no idea.
Maybe they could be just friends, somewhat. Though Simon doubts he can bear that if Wille throws these kinds of messages - from you, I'll take anything - so casually at him.
Still, like the idea of digging himself a deeper grave wasn't by any means repelling, he enters his profile to click on the follow button. His chest flutters wildly when the realization of the entire situation hits him fully. He's barely gotten a chance to really process it.
Simon doesn't bother too, not when his phone buzzes with the notification of another message.
I wasn't expecting that
But I'm flattered no less
Now more than ever, he feels the urge to tell him to shut the f*ck about being flattered. Because if anything, Simon has been the one dying to reach out and talk to him somehow. That he'd wanted to ask for his number and ask him out to dinner the moment they'd met that night. That Wille was the one who didn't seem interested, so if anything he should be the one who's flattered.
But he knows it's much more than that. Wille probably doesn't even like him that way. He admired him as an artist, he loved his music, he loved him in the same way his daughter loved him for his talent.
So if Wille was none the wiser that this meant as much to Simon, he wasn't going to be the one to tell him otherwise. Nothing tangible would come from this anyway. He assures himself when he types back.
not worried this time?
Depends
Are there any ulterior motives behind this
depends
do you want there to be one
depends
oh my god shut up
you didn't even let me finish😂
do i want to hear it
:(
i was just going to say as long as it wasn't bad to either to us
there aren't ulterior motives
i liked looking at you
and then talking to you
oh
was that too much?
no it's the same for me
I'm just surprised I guess
right
Good
great
So it's getting late
I should go um, check on Linnea, it's past her bedtime
yeah
you do that
Simon can't help the smile on his lips as he pulls his legs closer. He really needed to get his act together because the inside of his stomach was cracking up like a madman.
just to put it out there
i didn't hate this and wouldn't mind if it happened again
Oh
oh?
no i mean i needed the clarity
So uh, same for me
right
goodnight
Goodnight
Sleep well, Simon
you too, Wille
and Linnea
I'm sure she'll be happy to hear that
good
Wille reacts to the message and Simon flops down on the bed, spread out on the bed like a starfish, his phone now abandoned at his side.
Simon isn't sure what this is but the smile on his lips is perfectly ineffable and he doesn't know if that's a good thing or not. And by god, he can't believe he's so taken by this man he's only had one actual conversation with. Wille is just so sweet and everything about him seemed to pull Simon in - not even taking into account the lovely view of his arms that Simon has already fantasized about tasting.
Which should be scary because of how uncertain it all is. But he's never really chosen the easy things in life, so it's no surprise his interests would be any different.
He sleeps better than he has the entire week.
It becomes a thing between them.
At first, Wille doesn't message him and Simon had lost too much self-preservation to initiate anything again but then a day later, Wilhelm replies to his story. It's the tipping point, the icebreaker that makes room for conversation between them.
There was hardly much to talk about initially. Actually, no, Wille seemed to not want to reply conversationally, a sharp contrast to the way he constantly admitted to wanting to talk to Simon. But eventually, he seemed to thaw, drawing out banter between them and initiating conversations. It's not that they spent every second of the day talking - even if he's slowly realizing that might be what he wanted - but they do have a fair amount of conversations mostly daily.
And hell, Simon's crush has only gotten worse the more he learned about Wille. He's certain that's a bad thing because it's hard not to flirt with him. It's worse when Wilhelm flirts back because he can't tell if he's merely returning his energy or if he's actually interested. f*ck, Simon doesn't know if he even has someone else in his life and he's the one reading too much into this.
For all he knew, Wille enjoyed being somewhat friends with an artist he admired. That could be it for him. But here he was, wishing for something more.
God, he needed to get laid so bad. Maybe getting railed into a bed would finally erase the thoughts of this dorky yet confident and funny man that had slithered his way into Simon's heart. Even then, he knows he'll probably be wishing it were a certain blonde above him instead. He's not sure how healthy that is.
Simon spends too long in that weird limbo that he's certain he would get his heart broken if he allowed himself to fall more for this man. He literally made it so f*cking easy, it wasn't even Simon's fault.
It all comes to a head one fine afternoon when he's in the studio writing some notes. Or well, he'd abandoned them in favor of exchanging messages with Wille. That seemed to be the highlight of his days these past few weeks.
typically it wouldn't be so obvious to just anyone given that historians often documented them as anything but lovers
And something he's learned the past weeks was that Wille actually had so much to say but seemed to hold back for some reason. It always takes him a little push but once Simon gets him talking - especially about something he had a strong interest in - he doesn't stop. Maybe he'd end up apologizing and Simon would reassure him that it wasn't necessary, but at least he got to listen to him rant.
This was really getting pathetic for him, especially since this was obviously leading to nothing.
that makes sense
how do you know so much though
well I went through a lot of well… research before admitting to myself that i was queer
ohh
yea
and then after that, i loved knowing more
there's a lot of painters, poets and even royals told to have been lonely and solitaire but their works allude that they had male lovers
that's interesting
I know!
I used to find comfort visiting the museums to see a few but i haven't gotten much time off recently and I would hate to bore Linnea by making her come with me
well, if going alone is the problem
i'm very interested and i doubt i would ever be bored with this
and yeah i'm free
That's…
um, to be clear, this is you saying you would like me to show you the museum right?
Like meeting up and hanging out there?
god, yes Wille
what else would i be implying
I'm not sure
you could've just been being polite
would hate to assume
okay so do you want to?
Do that, yes
like um
so when do you want to meet up
when are you free?
i'll uh, check with my friend
She usually helps babysit Linnea
So um, yeah
then I'll get back to you
cool
can't wait
me neither
okay so
tell me more about this queer royalty
Oh yes!
He was Prince Eugen
Simon feels his face on fire. It should split with how wide he's grinning, staring at the screen of his phone.
A date. Well, sort of a date because he's not sure what Wille would refer to it as but it was kind of a date if he squinted. His heart was buzzing in his chest at the thought of seeing Wille again, after all these weeks of falling more for him. It's kind of insane because it doesn't feel like a simple crush that he could easily quench anymore.
And he's been trying his hardest to find out if Wille was even a little bit interested in him but all he's gotten are mixed signals that he can barely decipher. What's worse is how he doesn't even want to pull away.
He hasn't ever been this excited for a date - that he wasn't even sure was a date - since he was a naive little teenager. Wille makes him want to write love songs and that was one of the scariest parts of this.
“Pick yourself off the floor, Simme. No man should be making you smile like that.”
Simon rolls his eyes and flips his friend off, only now remembering he was still in the studio before he started messaging Wille.
She was wrong though. Wille was so worth smiling for. And really Simon was too bad to even pick himself off. It was too late for that, he concludes as he reads through the spaced out blocks of texts filled with rants popping up on his screen.
Simon is ten minutes early, he notes when he checks his phone the moment he steps down from the bus. He scrolls through the last of his and Wille's texts, feeling his chest tighten at finally meeting him again. They'd finally exchanged numbers, though, never called but this felt bigger and he felt his nerves at his fingertips.
He doesn't know if it's a good or bad thing that he spots Wilhelm pacing slowly at the entrance already.
At first, Simon needs to do a double take to be sure he hasn't forgotten how the man of his fantasies looked because he hadn't seen him in so long besides pictures. But then he feels his stomach stir when Wille spots him walking down the street as well. He arrived early because he needed a moment to breathe and process this but Wilhelm clearly needed more time because he seemed to have been there a lot earlier.
Wille walks halfway to meet him and he nearly feels his heart beating out of his chest, having to study him up close.
His hair is shorter, that's the first thing Simon notices and lighter. It was more of a lighter blond than before so he can guess that he definitely dyed it and cut it. And the fact that it really makes his facial features stand out should not be as disarming as it was. But apparently, Simon was gayer than he thought.
“Hej.” Wille breathes, voice soft and somewhat shy.
Simon needs to take a moment to regain autonomy to do anything else than stare at the way sunlight reflects on Wille's brown eyes. It was almost hypnotizing. “Hej.” He breathes back, definitely short for words.
He would probably be embarrassed at how awkward this feels if Wille weren't radiating the same energy. His eyes lingered on Simon's body before he seemed to look up at him again with a flustered smile. It wasn't like Simon spent an obscene amount of time picking out an outfit casual enough but also enough to draw a reaction from his date - or whatever they called it.
Wille swallows when he meets his eyes again and Simon feels a smirk climb his lips. He can act like his entire body isn't buzzing with anticipation for this.
“How are you?”
Simon chuckles when Wille finally chose to break the awkward dance of avoiding eye contact and shy smiles with that. “Are you really going with that?”
That seems to break the tension between them because Wille chuckles too. “It was either that or blurting out something like I had a haircut.” There's a flush on his face that Simon can't distinctly tell if it was from the sun or their interaction. Heat swoops across his stomach, smitten and he really hopes it's the latter.
“Well, I noticed.” Simon shrugs, trying to play it cool but he's sure his smile betrays him. He's been anticipating this since Wille gave him a date and time and now he's completely off his game.
They share a moment, eyes unwavering from the other as Wille reaches up to pick at his hair. “Oh. Do you…like it?”
“Mhmm.” Simon nods, because he fears he would end up saying something bordering on a declaration of his feelings. And once again he's not even sure this is a date. Wille smiles, regardless, face reddening. “Okay. Uh, I've been here for like fifteen minutes already.”
“Fifteen minutes?” And Simon thought he was eager.
“Well, I needed time to, you know… prepare beforehand. I want this to go well without uh, my nerves and I want it to meet your expectations. I didn't expect you to be early.”
“Well, it's just me. The same Simon you've been talking with all this time. I don't have any expectations.” Simon stretches out his hand in an offer. Wille could refuse or not, it was completely up to him, even though Simon could feel his heartbeat in his ears already. “We're just hanging out.”
He wants to add ‘as friends' but the idea of saying those words out loud - narrowing what they share to only friendship and ultimately friend zoning himself despite his massive crush on Wille - was too daunting. He didn't want to ruin things if there was at least a sliver of hope that they could be something more.
That hope blooms in his chest when Wille places his hand in his and entwines their fingers. Simon feels his face flush. Friends could hold hands right.
The anxiety and tension he'd noticed early in the other man seemed to bleed out completely when he smiled softly at Simon. “Yeah, hanging out.” He repeats back and Simon's chest warms up.
“And I really can't wait to hear about queer layers beneath historical artifacts.”
“You're sure you wouldn't be bored? I would talk a lot about this.”
“Wille, I love listening to you.” This time Simon is sure that the red splotches on Wille's face are as a result of his words. And there's that hope that he isn't imagining this thing between them. He really likes Wille and now looking up at his crooked smile and blushing face, he's not sure he would get over this so easily.
Now though, he needs to be a friend to Wilhelm. He can't believe there's people in his life who told him he talked too much. Wille is passionate about things he loves and Simon is a little obsessed with that.
“Really?”
He nods, without wasting a breath. “Yes.”
Wille tugs his hand to follow him as they make their way to the entrance. It's only when his eyes drift to the point of contact where Wille holds his hand in his as he allows himself to be pulled along, that he notices the light pink nail polish on the other man's fingers.
It was cute and it nearly had Simon's heart melting to nothing. And the way Wille's hand seemed to dwarf his, the way their hands slot together so perfectly like they were made for each other made him almost breathless when they're finally inside the museum.
It's even better than he expects. Simon can always appreciate art on his own but with Wille on his arm seemingly having a vast knowledge on most of the paintings and sculptures they walk past and giving him little facts on each of them, he loves it even more. They spent a particularly long time on a large painting which at face value, Simon would've referred to as the product of a horny man. But Wille takes his time to explain how the painter portrayed the thin lines between love and lust and beneath the erotic painting, the gestures were loving.
It's sweet and Simon is smitten and gone. At a point, he can barely tear his eyes away from Wille's lips long enough to observe the sculpture Wille was ranting about. He's feeling too many feelings for this man and none of them were remotely safe.
They hold hands through most of it and Simon listens attentively when Wille goes into the story of the closeted queer prince, the letters he exchanged between his secret lover and the hom*oerotic subtexts of every male figure he ever painted.
“I find it really entrancing and beautiful.” Wille concludes and when Simon agrees with a “Yeah, it is”, he isn't looking at the painting. He's admiring this man that has somehow latched himself to his heart so easily.
Their final stop is a smaller room, walls adorned with different paintings. They're all abstract and he barely has a clue on what each meant but they stand in the middle of the room, hands still clasped together, staring at one particular painting on the center of the wall. Well, Wilhelm is observing and Simon is staring at him.
He's caught Wille throwing a few glances at him as well before turning away with a small flush on his face or a shy smile.
Simon feels so ridiculous, feeling so much and not knowing what to do with any of those feelings. His eyes drift back to the painting, somewhat of a sunset with a splash of colors reflecting on water and a small cottage by the river bank with a figure staring out into the water. The silence in the room makes the moment all the more fragile.
“It's beautiful. What does it mean to you?” He finds himself muttering, not wanting to speak loud and crack the bubble.
Wille doesn't answer immediately, he doesn't look away from the painting but his fingers around Simon's hand tightens and he feels him inch closer.
“I don't…I guess I spent so long wishing I could feel free and beautiful like this.”
Simon hums in the silence, grateful for the moment of vulnerability, because that would mean there was definitely something real between them, even if it was just friendship. “And do you feel like that now?” Simon turns to him, voice low in the echoey room. All together, Wille had to be the most beautiful man he has ever seen - inside and out - and he wanted the chance to experience him so badly that it hurt.
Wille turns to him, swallowing audibly in the silence between them. Simon feels his breaths falter when their eyes meet. There's so much in Wille's eyes that tells him he could feel the same but he's too terrified to be wrong. Maybe was just as nice and sweet and intense with all his other friends.
“Yeah, I guess so.” He whispers.
“That's good.”
The room feels hotter when they spend the next few moments, eyes locked in an intense stare. Simon is honestly too lost to look away for even a second and the way Wille looks at him is so full of admiration that he feels it deep within his chest. He can't possibly be imagining the pull between them, right? Especially not with the way Wille inches closer to him.
It's almost impossible to breathe for the next few minutes and he's desperately fighting the urge not to look down at Wille's lips. Because that would pretty much break his resolve and he would end up doing something like closing the insufferable distance between them and pressing his lips to the other man's.
What pretty much ruins him is when Wille mutters, barely audible, “You're so pretty.”
Simon isn't even sure who moved first but the next second they are both pressed impossibly closer, lips meeting in a soft kiss. Wille's fingers trail down his sides, moving almost cautiously along with his lips. He allows his fingers to climb up to the back of the other man's neck, brushing against the baby hairs there.
It's everything and more than he's imagined and he feels his heartbeat in his ears, chest fluttering with warmth as Wille kisses him more surely. He loves the way Wille makes him feel and if he's kissing him back this gently and firmly, he must feel something for Simon as well.
It's insane that it's the first time he's feeling that lightheaded feeling that everyone said kissing should give. It was like he was drowning and Wille was giving him air with every movement. It's soft and gentle and he doesn't even want to deepen it but it alights the most intense feelings in his chest that he's honestly too scared to address. Because it's too f*cking early to feel like that.
Maybe it's a few seconds or much more minutes, Simon has no idea but they're both breathless when their lips finally part. And his heart feels like it would erupt with an avalanche of emotions.
Wille's eyes are still pressed shut when he opens his, breaths hot all over his face from where his lips are still slightly parted. Simon thinks he should be justified for feeling like this, because who saw this man and just felt absolutely nothing. That sounded so f*cking insane.
When Wille finally flutters his eyes open, breaths almost back to normal, his pupils are dilated and his eyes are soft with emotions he hopes reflect what he feels. It lasts about a moment, the softness, Wille's lips curling up in a small smile and Simon returning before it breaks so suddenly.
Wille pulls back so suddenly, withdrawing away from Simon so quickly and it stung like rejection. There's a sudden realization on his face as he shakes his head, but all Simon can see when he searches his eyes is remorse, rivaling the emotions from only seconds ago.
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…” He mutters out, chest rising and falling in the way that only leaves Simon confused.
He definitely kissed Wille back with as much as he gave him, so why on earth would he think Simon somehow didn't want that. Or maybe he was letting him down easy, brushing it off as a spur of the moment because like he'd thought, Wille wasn't interested in him like that.
The thought alone stings like hell and he swallows, shaking his head. Because he can't understand why Wille would kiss him like that if it would mean nothing. “Why? Didn't you want to kiss me?”
Wille blinks at him, mouth falling open and surprise filtering onto his features at Simon's words - which really only leave Simon more confused.
Wille sighs, shaking his head. His voice comes out somewhat shaky when he finally speaks up, “I did. More than anything. I like you so much but that doesn't have to mean anything if you don't…”
Simon cuts him off because he can say something incredibly stupid. “I like you too, Wille.”
Realization dawns on Wille, eyebrows shooting up in surprise. It's almost comical how they basically just kissed and their first thought was to assume the other didn't want it. He would laugh if he wasn't soaking up in the relief that yes, Wille liked him back. He hadn't been wrong all along. And maybe they're both sort of idiots for not realizing.
“Oh…” is all Wille blurts out and Simon feels a fond smile forming on his lips.
He feels buzzing all the way to his fingertips, heart fluttering with warmth replacing the dread that was already building earlier. And Simon really likes this clueless dork that blinks at him in some sort of stunned surprise when he says, “Yeah, oh, dumbass. I've liked you since I first saw you. We literally started talking because I was stalking you a week after meeting you.”
That beautiful crooked smile breaks out on his face, though his eyes are still disbelieving, “Really?”
Simon thought he'd been incredibly pathetic and obvious about his feelings for the man. And here Wille was barely processing the fact that Simon actually liked him. Seriously, he should've guessed from the stalking thing but he remembers Wille telling him he struggled with obvious social cues, so that might've been why.
It's cute, nonetheless, how f*cking oblivious Wille was. Simon can't deny it makes him fall even harder. He reaches out to take both of Wilhelm's hands in his and pulls him closer.
“Yes, I mean I thought I've been painfully obvious but apparently not. I wanted to ask for your number that night at the amusem*nt park, but then you wanted to leave so I thought you weren't interested.”
Wille shakes his head, chuckling in the way that made Simon's poor little gay heart soar. “Wow…I thought you were just being nice. I liked you then too, but I mean…isn't it…are you sure you want to be with me?” His voice shifts from awe when he starts to anxiety, the last question dripping with doubt.
He knows it also took him a bit to process that Wille also liked him and apparently wanted to be with him. But the fact that Wille would even ask if he was sure after hearing all that didn't sit right with him.
A small frown seats between his brows. Did Wilhelm really regard himself so low that he'd think Simon wouldn't want to be everything with him.
“Wille, I like you. And you like me back, right? So why not?”
Wille avoids his eyes, looking down to where their hands are joined together. He wonders if the contact brings Wille as much warmth and comfort as it brings Simon.
“Well…I have um, I'm sort of a package deal.” His voice is a mutter when he finally responds.
It hits him so suddenly, what Wille meant by package deal. And the fact that Wille even thought that would be a hindrance for him was insane. He's been so sure that Wille didn't want anything romantic with because of his daughter and here, Wille was thinking Simon wouldn't want her as much as he wanted him.
God, maybe they were both so oblivious.
“Do you…oh, do you think I wouldn't want to date you because of Linnea? Because that's insane, Wille. I want you even more. Why would you think that?”
When Wille's eyes meet his again, there's a hint of disbelief and surprise in them.
Simon knows it's a strong commitment really, but he doesn't think of Wille's daughter as a package. If anything, she was a gift. And he really liked Wille, he liked him so much that he's almost sure it was so much even if they haven't known each other long enough. He knows he would regret it forever if he doesn't chase after this feeling with everything in him.
It's so incredibly worth it. And he would make Wilhelm understand that too.
“I don't know. Her mother didn't want to be a part of this.” Simon barely allows him to finish before stepping closer to wrap him up in a hug.
Everything in him slows to a stop, the world around them drowns out when Wille's arms wrap around him gently. He nuzzles into his neck and Simon could cry. He didn't know it was possible to feel so connected to someone. He didn't know he was able to feel so much from a mere hug.
He traces the material of Wille's shirt softly, pressing closer. “Well bad for her and good for me. Wille, god, I like you so much, I've been going crazy with all the mixed signals you've been giving me.”
Wille sighs, somewhat in relief, breaths hitting Simon's skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake.
“I'm sorry. It was so hard to pretend I didn't have feelings for you. I was losing my mind in disbelief when you kept wanting to talk to me.” Wille pulls back and Simon melts at the smile on his face, heart fluttering wildly and feeling those damn butterflies. He was such a gone man really.
Wille cradles his face gently, “Is it too early to ask you to go out with me? Or is there a specific number of dates before I can ask you to be my partner? If you want that.”
“God, yes, Wille. I want to be your boyfriend, partner, whatever. I want you to try this with you. If anything, I'm worried I wouldn't fit in with you and Linnea.” He confesses in a mix of emotions. Of every way he'd imagined this not-date going, this was the least possible scenario he'd drawn up.
It doesn't mean it's not the best thing that's happened to him in a while.
It's Wille’s turn to stare at him like he's being ridiculous. “I'm sure you already know she loves you. She'll be ecstatic.”
“Mhmm…and you?”
“I'm over the f*cking moon.” He drops his forehead on Simon's, breaths hitting face, warm. “Would you want to…maybe come home with me?”
Simon fears his heart would burst with emotion so he chooses to throw a teasing response that leaves the other man red and flustered. “Take me dinner first at least.”
Wille ducks to hide his flushed face in the crook of Simon's neck. “Not for that. Oh my god, Simon. I mean, not that I wouldn't love to sleep with you, f*ck…I'm so not being smooth about this.” He groans into his neck before pulling away, flushed to the tip of his ears.
Simon can't even help the adoring smile on his lips, because all this means so much to him than he could express in words. He doesn't believe in the love one could develop at first glance, but he could feel that whatever this was between them wasn't going to die so easily and he would fight for every moment of it.
He certainly hopes the emotions raving in Wille's eyes would mean the same for him.
“No, not at all. Lucky for you, I'm kinda into this.” Simon's next words are whispered against his lips because he stands on his toes to press another kiss on his lips.
When they eventually leave the museum, hands entwined, Wille leaves another kiss and the promise of so much more than a second date on his lips. And all he could do was smile back, so smitten and so deeply smothered about this beautiful man, who was now somehow his boyfriend, partner.
He doesn't doubt for a second that he's going to fall so in love with Wille. He can feel it within every inch of him already.
